Held Captive

I had a dream with Marcela. Always with Marcela. This time we were stuck in some guard house at the embassy I think. we didn't have our badge and we had gone through several times with out it and this time they didn't let us go. We were held captive. I cried. I was upset. Again, unresolved conflict or trauma. And Marcela was with me. Past trauma. My dreams are telling me something. Something tells me I should do ayahuasca. I need to figure this out. 

I exchanged lots of voice notes with Sergio yesterday. When he's alone he's more attentive. It was interesting, he said he was shy before. I don't see that, but I like that he was. Makes him less intimidating. He said he doesn't have fears or knows them. I am sure he will come up with something. I shared mine, fear of losing my independence. I want to learn how to not think about that, Let things flow, like he says. And take each challenge on when it comes. He said he used to plan and control everything. I can see that. When we travel we let go, but I wonder if he will be like that again after this trip. I miss him and I don't even know him yet. Sounds crazy, but it's how I feel. Maybe he's holding me captive. I have to be careful not to put all my eggs in that basket or get too attached. He could never come to Quito or it could not work out, He could lose interest when he sees me or it could just not make sense. Or, he could be the love of my life. 

I'm grateful for...

- Sergio

- Hope to find a man to share my life with

- My health physically, mentally, and emotionally 

- My job and my team

- Ruth and getting to ride with her today 

- Family and friends

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