Low Expectations

 Sergio messed up and didn't calculate the days right. I wouldn't be surprised if he can't make it to Quito. Let's see. He was so excited to see me too. I was even thinking it would be next week, Oh well. Keep your expectations low, that's what I told myself. Let's see what happens. I started talking to George and he's very nice. We connect. I might skip the gravel fest rides and see him Thursday. I need to meet more people. He seems kind, and worldly, and ambitious. Let's see. But expectations are low. They have to be. I can't get attached this time, not again. I am losing my want to talk to Justin too. He's there, but I am not that into him. Weird I know. I just don't feel it, anymore. Maybe it's these guys that could turn into nothing. But, I just see him as a friend. And that's all it has to be right now. 

I'm grateful for...

- helping Patty with her triathlon

- my health physically, mentally, and emotionally 

- holiday coming up

- friends 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Keep Connecting

I had coffee with Fer yesterday. It was nice to catch up. She and I can relate to each other. Even when I mentioned that I liked it when men were mean because it was familiar, she got it. Justin also called and I chatted with him. I don't have feelings or that sense of attachment like before, though. That's a good thing. Just a friend. It helps to have other distractions. For example, friends, cycling, and now dating. I am going to meet JC today. So curious to what his real name is. I hope it goes well, but my expectations are low, I don't know why. Maybe because I feel like that protects me from rejection. It stings, but then I'm fine. So, I need to keep putting myself out there. Keep moving. Keep connecting.  I'm grateful for... - family - friends - my health physically, emotionally, and mentally  - feeling ok during recovery from the ride 
Read more

This Too Shall Pass

Sergio asked me what I expect from him. It's a vulnerable question, but maybe more vulnerable for me that has to answer it. The truth is I don't expect anything from him. He's there, I'm here. He lives in Medellin. If we don't. turn into anything I would still be content. Because we had a beautiful connection. So, if it turns into something great. It would be work, though. If it doesn't, that's great too. I don't think he's expecting that. I am not sure what he expects from me. Sex, just support on his ride, a relationship. I don't know if it is worth asking him, or if after my question it would sway him. Maybe leave it as is and he can answer that if he wants without be asking. It has been fun though, I like the connection. The constant communication. The adventurous spirit. But, this too shall pass. Just like I told him that is what I would say to my future self If I had the chance earlier. This too shall pass, even the good things. So don'...
Read more

Chapter 1 - Estas Gordita

I was nine. The memory is sharp, unforgiving, like it branded itself into my bones. He whistled the way he always did when they were awake—our signal. It   meant it was safe. It meant we were wanted. It meant we could run down the hall and leap into their bed, laughter first, feet cold against the floor. Of course I took the spot next to him. I always did and I was faster than my sisters. And there it was, he caught my arm. His hand closed around me, firm enough to anchor the moment forever. Estás gordita. The words were small. Casual. Almost affectionate. They shattered me anyway. Something dark slipped into my bloodstream in that instant, quiet and lethal. I learned the rule without being taught: love had to be earned. Approval was conditional. My body was already failing some invisible test. I didn’t yet understand what food had to do with any of it. I just knew something about me was suddenly wrong. And even though I couldn’t name it then, that lesson stayed. It waited. And yea...
Read more