Marginal Decade

I think this might be a long one. I had a good day yesterday. Not in a common good day, but in an eye opening big day. I met with the doctor at med unit and it looks like I have early sign of RED-S. This is good to know. I can't lose my period again. I need to east and train smarter. More protein. Stick to the plan. One rest day a week. A full rest day. I know I have been overdoing it lately. Part of it has been the events, some of it has been stuff inside that needs an escape. That's always been the case, but it feels deeper now. I need that release. So, I will pay more attention to this. I will need to get a trainer for my bones, and maybe either get a nutritionist or research nutrition on my own. Take supplements. It's all related. My bone density came out a little worse, but still not too bad. Which means I need to reverse it. Weights, calcium, and vitamin D. A must. I can do this. I feel positive about my health now, fortunate that I can do something about it. I think a lot about the Marginal decade. What I want that last decade of my life to feel like. I want to be exercising. I want friends I can do stuff with. I want to be able to walk with now pain. That's what I am really training for. 

Then, I saw my therapist. She's great. I feel comfortable with her. We talked about poppy and how much I hate him right now. She said it was severe from her point of view. It's abuse. I was not seeking hi love, I was doing what I could to not be criticised. I told her how angry I am at him. How mad I am. Upset I am. How he caused me to not have a healthy relationship with a man, to stay distant. Why? Because I associate love with pain. Bingo. It all made sense when she said that. He cause me pain. He loved me. I loved him. He caused me pain. I hope we can make progress. I want to be in a healthy relationship. The tarot reader was right. I have to heal still. 

I am grateful for...

- Elizabeth and our sessions

- Doctor Ana and our session yesterday about my labs

- Having the resources to take care of my health 

- Hanging out with the girls yesterday and having deeper conversations

- Justin 

- Family

- Friends 

- My health physically, mentally, and emotionally. 

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