Life Story

I am feeling a little better about George. I think I made the right decision, but oh man did I have a hard time with this one. Not with Justin or Sergio, or anyone else. But, George took a toll on me. I asked myself why and I think it's because I found him so familiar. And his texts and words and kisses and we slept together. He was kind, and firm at the same time. Just like poppy was. Charismatic and confident. But, he snores and he vapes and he doesn't eat well and he didn't come to see me when he said he would. Sure, I can say a lot about me too. I am obsessed with cycling, I've never been married. I listened to Esther Perel yesterday and she talks about that. How we aren't perfect either and should be open to differences. I was open, very open. But, this was different. He triggered me. He woke up my nervous system in a way that I felt a need. Not a want. Maybe we could have worked through that. But, I didn't want to try for some reason. For a good reason. Because this is my life story, not my love story. Could I build a life with him? No, his complications with family and divorces, his lifestyle. I just want someone active and fun and adventurous. That's what I really want. Someone that we can share life with. 

But, then I ask myself if I was too picky. Could I have had a conversation with him to share that I was scared. Or, could I just have kept seeing him and let him prove to me that it wouldn't be that way or would so I could make a more informed decision. No, Anni. You trusted your gut. Whatever was happening in there, you trusted. On the way home you already knew. He wasn't right for you. What you miss is the texts and the songs, and the calls. That's all. You were ready to go home. You want more. Just trust that. You deserve so much better. Someone who is healthy and shares your passion for challenging themselves physically. You deserve a partner that you can share your experiences with and they ask you questions. You deserve someone who slowly shoes love for you because they actually feel it, not because they set a goal to send you a video every day. You deserve someone who loves you for who you are, and it will happen, Anni. I promise. You are on the right track.You are breaking a pattern. No more seeking familiarity. Familiarity isn't a good thing. It's what got you stuck. 

I'm thankful for...

- My self awareness

- Getting a little better today

- Hope to find love 

- My health physically, mentally, and emotionally 

- Being able to stay home yesterday from work 

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