Men Who Come and Go

Sergio got ahead of himself and backtracked on coming. He had a strong spurt of energy one day and night and was very poetic an intentional, and then nothing. Which is fine. Oddly I understand. He even said he would come fly to see me. And then he thinks he accelerated too much and stopped writing. I wanted to be mad, and tell him something that would hurt at first, but then I realized that I do get it. And I still admire him as a person. I wrote him that I understood, and to get back to his ride and I'll always be here if he wants to talk. I still want to be a good person. And I do feel like we had a connection. He came in my life for a reason, and I came in his for a reason. Maybe it wasn't meant to last.

As for George, I am so nervous right now to tell him that I can't go today. I don't know if he will understand. Maybe he will. He's sensitive. I shouldn't have waited this long to say it, but a part of me wanted to go, even if it meant traffic for 4 hours because of the holiday. I didn't sleep because of this. I am disappointed in myself for not making the decision earlier and sending him the message then. Why do I do that? Fear of disappointment or fear of losing him perhaps. The thing is I'm not losing him, I don't know that, and even if I did, he's not real yet. We haven't even met. Right now he is just a voice. Someone who says he cares about me. I like that. He knows I like that. That's all that is. He's not active. He lives aways away. Why am I so attached already? I just wrote him, let's see how this turns out. 

That's two now, two that came and went. I get excited, I get attached, I get disappointed. I hate this. I hope it leads to something. 

The two rides I did this weekend were so fun. I really enjoyed spending time with Felipe, and National, and Cris. Andrea on the second day, but she just rides and it feels a little competitive. We had fun. I fell but I'm ok now. Just a big scrape. I am liking gravel again. Me and Andarna are making a good team. 

I'm grateful for...

- Riding with Felipe and Cris, and the group in gravel fest reconocimiento for two days

- My health physically, mentally and emotionally. And not getting injured on this ride. 

- Life and getting to really live here in Ecuador

- Family and friends in my life

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