Pulling me Back In

It was a rollercoaster yesterday. First, he wrote and told me goodbye. It hurt, I cried, I shared with my friends. Then, I wrote back for closure and he wrote again, but this time leaving the door open. Telling me that he doesn't want to give up and doesn't want our story to end. I don't either, but I can't help but feel maybe this is manipulative too. I don't know. I have 5 hours of biking to think about it, without music because I lost my headphones again. I am so scatterbrained, for good reason. I want to believe him, but I still am not sure if he really even acknowledges what happened, and what I needed. He says we can sit with calma and honesty. I feel like I was honest and calm. Too much sometimes. I told him I needed space. I told him his situation was making me feel responsible. I could try to explain again, but I don't know if it will change anything. Maybe I can try. Maybe I can also just start grieving. I don't know right now because I am doubting myself again. Does he really care, or is he just trying to pull me back in. 

I'm grateful for...

- My health and feeling better

- My support system....Jean, Patty, Sonja, Fer 

- Being able to bike again

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