If He Really Loved You

Something hit hard yesterday that Majo said. If he was just using you he won't come back. If he really loved you Mommy said, he would reach out. And he hasn't. So, maybe he really was using me. Maybe that was all. Not love. Just taking advantage of me. It's so hard to think that because he was so sweet and real and introduced me to everyone in his life, but I guess I won't ever know like Elizabeth says. Maybe he's thinking something similar about me. Maybe she didn't love me if she broke up with me and hasn't come back. The truth is I still care a lot about him. I am sad for him and his situation, and his anxiety, but I still wasn't getting what I needed and I was giving too much. And that's the reason. That's the most important part. Just the money part alone is a reason. I feel a little better this morning. More clear. I miss the idea of being in a relationship more than anything, but the closeness and kisses and hugs was all fading with the bigger issues that I wasn't going to tolerate this time. 

Now we focus on Solomon Islands. Big decision, but doesn't feel that way. I would be making a lot more money and getting more years on my term. Not terrible. Sure, I would miss out on more time in Ecuador and I would be far away, but maybe I would gain something too. I will think about this some more with Elizabeth. I should find out if COLA will change and how many years I would get. 

I'm grateful for...

- Slowly getting over George and feeling better about my decision

- My health and feeling better

- Life and getting to live