Write Your Own Story

I can have my heart broken too. Even though I was the one that broke up with him. Because he disappointed me too. He asked for money and never mentioned paying me back. He became financially chaotic and lost his business and his license and depended on me 2 months in the relationship. He didn't give me my space when I asked for it. It wasn't me. It was him. He wasn't right for me, and he is to blame too. That's the thing, it's all me. It's all doubt. But, in the end, I am hurting too. I am ruminating too. I deserve better. I had a rough day yesterday thinking about all this. Missing him. Feeling guilty. Feeling sad. Looking at his instagram. But, at the end, I can just move on. I can feel bad for me, not him. It's not my fault. So don't take the fault, Anni. Be sad because you lost someone that made you feel loved. Even if it wan't real love. But, you did the right thing. You made the right decision for both of you. Trust that. And move on. It's time to move on. No more thinking what if. I know what if. Be confident. You followed your gut. be proud of that. Stick with that. Sit with that. Trust that. Start writing your own story. 

On another note, I applied for Solomon Islands yesterday. I don't know if I'll get it, but I think I have a good chance. I am excited about starting a new post, being busy again. A new country. I don't want to leave Ecuador though. So, if I don't get it I won't be devastated. I will just stay and move on to something else. But, I will give it a shot. I will try. I will really try. And see what unfolds. It's time to write my own story. 

I'm grateful for...

- The strength to move on

- Going to Mindo tomorrow

- My health physically, mentally, and emotionally 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Trauma Bonding

I had a hard weekend. I was thinking a lot about if I made a mistake with George. I think it's the loss if anything. The loss of something that could have been. A boyfriend. A partner. A feeling that I'm not alone. That I have someone who cares and adores me. He thought I was adorable. He was falling for me. That's the part I miss. Not him exactly. Maybe him in the future, but I think that reality would have settled in eventually and maybe my gut would have proved me right. I am learning to trust my gut. I did with information. The feeling I had that Sunday, the not sleeping, the vaping, the snoring, the not coming when he said he would. Those were all signs by gut was holding on to. I am good at trusting my gut., I know it so well. I think about what Kat said. Is it expansion or contraction. This felt like both, but contraction when he said he would come and contraction when I said I would maybe go. That's worth paying attention to.  Now what Jenny said really hit home...
Read more

Keep Connecting

I had coffee with Fer yesterday. It was nice to catch up. She and I can relate to each other. Even when I mentioned that I liked it when men were mean because it was familiar, she got it. Justin also called and I chatted with him. I don't have feelings or that sense of attachment like before, though. That's a good thing. Just a friend. It helps to have other distractions. For example, friends, cycling, and now dating. I am going to meet JC today. So curious to what his real name is. I hope it goes well, but my expectations are low, I don't know why. Maybe because I feel like that protects me from rejection. It stings, but then I'm fine. So, I need to keep putting myself out there. Keep moving. Keep connecting.  I'm grateful for... - family - friends - my health physically, emotionally, and mentally  - feeling ok during recovery from the ride 
Read more

George

Yeah I'm not that into him. Now that the excitement is wearing off, he's kind of annoying actually. he doesn't take care of himself. He vapes. He doesn't drink water. He doesn't go to the doctor. he doesn't sleep. He doesn't exercise. And he always seems to be tired. I don't think his finca will take off. He keeps putting things off. I hope it does, though. I love watching people take a leap and succeed. Jason didn't, but I admired him for it. I Wish George the best and I want to find a nice way to end things. Like Sergio did. Graceful, making me feel special. I wonder why I only like the chase. Or is it that I just overlook things at first. That is probably normal. I regret sleeping with him. I liked him at the time, and it felt good to be wanted. But, it added an emotional closeness. Although, it kind of felt like we emotionally got more distant. We didn't talk much after that. Weird. I do wonder if he was married 3 times what was he like after...
Read more