Love Doesn't Have to Have a Cost

And that's it. I am worthwhile. I deserve better. I deserve to be loved. I am amazing. That's the lesson. No more sacrificing what I want and need to feel loved. I deserve it. So stop settling, stop seeking men who aren't at your level, who control you, who make you feel trapped. It wasn't George, I thought it was at first. But, it wasn't. I learned to ignore the red flags. His vaping, no exercise, 3 divorces, irresponsible, asked for money, wanted to move in with me, love bombing, moved fast, Italy feeling guilty. I ignored all of it. And I thought it could get better. I thought it would. I thought he would change, and maybe he would have. But, I can't wait. I miss him though. Especially when we laughed a lot, or the cuddles at night. I miss that so much. We did have fun together. But, here's the thing. We can have fun together and have what I need. It doesn't have to be one or the other. It doesn't have to be sacrificing one for the other. It can be both. And he couldn't give me both. So, I made the right decision. Trust that. Trust that you are human and that you just were hungry for life. Now, I wonder why I am so hungry that I accept that it drains me. Because I didn't have that love as a kid. I keep saying poppy but it was also mommy. It's ok to be single. I love myself. And I won't let anyone else in that drains me. That uses me. That is less than me. Just because I am hungry to be loved. I can be loved and have what I need and deserve. It's that simple. And that was the lesson George gifted me. That is why I was so indecisive. I wanted love and felt that it had a cost I was willing to pay for a while. Not anymore.

I'm grateful for...

- The gift of a lesson George gave me and the good times we had together

- Kat and her words of wisdom

- Elizabeth

- Ari and Andrea 

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