Heal

I had a better day yesterday. I stayed busy in the morning with swimming and then my mob class, then the gym. And it was only noon when I got home so that was hard. Down time isn't the best thing for me right now. I went for a walk and then massage. I used to be better with being alone. I hope this will pass so I can find that peace again. I still think of him, miss his company. But, I just need to remember that he wasn't good for me. We weren't good for each other. I will find someone who is one day. I know I will. I have to remember I felt stuck with him. I didn't do the things I wanted. I wonder if things would have been different if he had his job and we would see each other once in a while. I do, but I don't think he would be able to do that. I don't think his attachment and woulds would allow him to. I remember when I was like that with Peter. He was my calm. I would go to him when I was anxious. Maybe I had that with him. Maybe I was George in that relationship. I was relying on him to regulate my emotions. And he did, so beautifully. Every time. And it didn't work out. Our dynamic wasn't healthy. I got help. George isn't getting help. That's the difference. I hope he heals. I hope I continue to heal. We deserve that. What do I gave to heal is always my question. But I think I know. 

To love myself so much that I don't sacrifice my needs to have love. To stop regulating other peoples emotions. To forgive poppy. 

I'm grateful for...

- Learning how to MTB

- Patty

- My health physically, mentally, and emotionally. 

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