Reference Checks

They are doing reference checks for Solomon Islands. I wouldn't even be applying if George and I were doing well, He would be living with me, an EFM, we would be getting married. If we were doing well. But, we weren't. I felt smothered. I felt trapped. I felt unseen with what I needed. And that's ok. I get it. I want to reach out to him to tell him im going. But, I don't want to miss him all over again. And I do. I miss his company. The way he always told me I was amazing and beautiful and his everything. But, was that even true or was it attachment? I guess I will never know for sure. What I do know is that I deserve love, and not at a cost. I can be loved and have what I need. No sacrifices of who I am and what I need. Not anymore. 

As for Solomon Islands. it makes me a little sad to leave Ecuador and nervous. I have a pretty awesome life here. Friends. Cycling. Work close by. Awesome apartment. But, I am also bored at work. I need a challenge. I also could use more job security and savings. 

I'm grateful for...

- Patty 

- Seeing family soon

- Friends 

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